I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
