Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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