I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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