guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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