you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
