I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
