Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize