I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
