I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
