she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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