new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
