I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
