the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
