I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
