Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
