is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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