I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
