we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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