It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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