I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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