You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
