i permit you to call me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
