can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No more Irish car bombs ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
