i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
