Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
