Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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