Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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