i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
