I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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