Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
