Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
