How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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