I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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