It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
