....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
