I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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