I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
