Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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