my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
