Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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