i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize