Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
