I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize