I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
