currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
