can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How does one acquire holy water?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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