I just saw a hot homeless man
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
