Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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