She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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