Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize