so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
