I faked an abortion last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
