Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
