i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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