Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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