Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
