I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
